Feedback not failure

One of the elements of the weight loss podcast is about setting your
self in an environment for success rather then failure. If for
example you have nothing but crisps, chocolate and sweets in the house
this what you will eat. If you have however in your cupboards fresh
fruit and vegetables then this is all you can eat.

Currently my wife is pregnant and she has the habit of buying lots of
sweets or recently making her own fudge. Normally this food wouldn't
be in our house and I don't feel like I can complain because I know it
is a temporary thing. I have given in to temptation and been eating
pieces of the fudge every night. As they say in the podcast "only
thing you can't resist is temptation". It does seem to have had a
knock on effect as now I have given into one thing I feel like I am
more likely to give into others as well. It appears I have lost my
momentum on weight slightly. I need to regain my momentum and find a
way to resist.

I decided to see this as not as "failure but as feedback". Got to have
to live with it so use it as an opportunity to use the NLP/mind
techniques to try and resist and reaffirm my goals of losing weight.

momentum

Watched the tennis last night on the tv. I don't normally but wanted to see how Andy Murray did. Been keeping on eye on during the vening had tea and came back to see him 2 sets down and 5-3 down in the third set with the other guy serving for the match. For everyone to see it looked like he was about to lose. Murray hadn't broken his sever all match so looked highly unlike to be able to do it now.

Guess what he did and brough it back 5-4, then won his own service game to level the set. It went to tie breaker and Murray won. He had the momentum now in the game and took the 4th set 2-6. Followed on straigh into the final set by breaking his serve again and won the final set 4-6. It was an amazing come back from the brink of defeat.

How does this relate to strategy and NLP. Well once he broke the other guys serve he knew it could be done, it gave he hope. The other got the jitters and lost momentum whilst Murray continaully gain momentum through the rest of the game. momentum is highly imporatant is strategy. The team  Murray broke the momentum of the other guy and claimed it for him self. The opponent at times tried to break the momentum by breaking Murray back but couldn't and finakl resorted to get the game stopped for bad light. Neither of these tactics worked and Murray finished him off.

I was thinking as it looked like he was going to lose that he should remeber their is no such thing as failure only feedback, Murray obviously was using that feedback straigth away and put into straight into use to swing the game in his favour. Think it also shows that to never give up.

---

Get fish-slapping on Messenger! Play Now

New beginnings

Been following a new weight loss ideas from a weight loss podcast based around NLP techniques. Lost 7 pounds in 5 weeks so far.

One of the points is to keep a journal of events so I am going to blog small slices of life on NLP each day.

Today I have started with keeping a personal to do list as well as a work to do list. I am planning out my exercise for the week and other task to progress myself. This is one of the ideas given in the podcast. One of the things on the list is to blog 5/7 days a week.

Scarcity

Scarcity is the final law of influence I am going to cover from the book by Robert Cialdini.

You all seen the shop fronts and adverts on the tv in the magazines stating limited offer. This is scarcity, it works on the principle of "act on or you will miss out". You get the sales men telling you at your front door he is only allow to sell x amount of these product at discount in anyone day and he isn't coming back this way for a few months. He will tell you he has already got orders for most of them and there is only a few left. "If you don't buy now you won't ever get it so cheap". They try and make out they are doing you the favour by give you such a discount offer. The truth be told they are always this price and the discount is always available to anyone at any time, lets face it they want to sell their product making out it is limited is purely to push up demand or trick people into making rushed decisions.

One of the other posts was about Consistency when I discuss the Christmas present trick many manufacturers use to force you into buying extra presents at Christmas and make a hyped up demand by limiting their stock for the Christmas period only. This is scarcity at work again, and as in the other example the product is not going disappear forever, unless it's total crap!!!

Will like the idea of having something other people may not have or we are concern we may miss out.

I was recently looking for a new car a the sales forecourt had up signs saying "10 day sale", this is an obvious scarcity trick. What you have to ask your self is which 10 days?

Near my house is anew building estate and they have a sign up saying "40% reserved", this works on scarcity and social proof. What they don't saying is 40% of what is reserved. Plus what does reserved actually mean. It could by 40% of the builders car park is reserved for plumbers. Reserved could mean they have just their name on a list, it does necessarily mean they have placed a deposit. It could they have resevred a viewing once built!!

Every time you go to buy a house the estate agent will tell they have other people interested and they are about to put in a offer. I was told such a story about a new house I was looking at, I decided I wasn't interested in the end. A year later the house was still on the market, what happen to those two to three other couples who were interested!!!!

Again think about what it the scarcity statement actually mean. Is there any evidence to prove their claims. Do you really need it that badly you are willing to be trick into a purchase. If they product is that good why resort to such tactics ion the first place.

Authority

Authority is the next of the 6 laws of influence I am going to cover. Again it works due to the social contract and experience we have gained as we become adults.

The book discusses that we are more likely to be influenced by a person in Authority than any one else. For an example you are more likely to do what a policeman ask you to do than a total stranger. What separates the two, a total stranger and a policeman? For most people the policeman is a total stranger to them, but the uniform gives them status as someone who can be trusted and someone whom you should listen to. We are taught by adults as we grow up to obey authority figures such as policeman, school teachers, doctors etc, as the know the right thing to do. It is part of the social contract that keeps society together. The total stranger has no uniform and thus carries no weight of authority that a uniform implies.

The knowledge that authority carries more influence is used by marketing and sales men. Often you will see the adverts on the tv when a "expert" will endorse the product. This expert appears to carry the right credentials, such as a Doctor. For example a new toothpaste is often recommend by well qualified Dentist that is associated to some government health agency. We believe them because it is an authority figure and we have been programmed to believe authority figures.

Proof of the influence of authority comes in the form of a famous experiment

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milgram_experiment

So think about the times you have seen authority selling products on the tv or in magazines. Car safety experts, Doctors selling wonder diets, finance experts selling insurance etc etc.

The thing to ask yourself is, are they really experts? meaningless qualifications can be obtain from mickey mouse universities or colleges. Does the institute really exist that they belong to or is it again something they have created them selves to promote their own job or product.
What is their vested interest in you buying this product? does their opinion actually matter? They are being paid to sell this product to you?

Is NLP a load of rubbish?

A question that seems to be asked but never really answered. Ask anyone who practices NLP and the answer is obviously "it's really powerful stuff". I would guess I would say the same as I am writing a blog on NLP. Nothing is that black and white, good or bad. I would say that some NLP is a load of rubbish, because it makes claims it simply can not justify. To get to this point let us start at the beginning.

At the basics of NLP we have very simple communication skills. How to build rapport and how to make yourself understood and how to influence others. Body language skills, filters, mirroring, meta model of language, sleight of mouth patterns etc. This all good stuff and it definitely works. However, I think some people believe it will turn them in a Jedi Master and be able to convince anybody of anything. This is definitely not true, from my experience it is a bit like the Jedi mind trick as it won't work on the strong minded/stubborn. Some people just refuse point blank to change their minds or allow another opinion to take hold. Just like some people can't be hypnotised. The problem isn't with NLP but with peoples expectations of the skills and abilities it will give them. They see people who are master of NLP, like Darren Brown, creating magic with words. They hear of the works of the founders of NLP, Bandler and Grindler, and are amazed at the work they have done in therapy with people. They want to be able to the same kind of stuff. The people who perform these almost magically events with NLP, work at it full time, they have been studying it for many years and have years of experience. You can achieve this level of NLP, but you will need the same level of commitment and it will take years to truly master. The best most of can hope for is an improved set of communication skills to help us for our everyday lives.

So back to the question,"is NLP a load of rubbish". The answer is no, but people are expecting too much from it in a relative short space of time. Why? I believe it is because there are so many people out there selling NLP course with exaggerated claims. The NLP industry isn't regulated and has seem to attracted a lot of con men/women. I could set up a new NLP academy tomorrow and call it UNLP (Ultimate NLP) I could then certify myself as a master trainer in UNLP and start running courses out of my church hall for £1000 a day per person. I could just rehash all the existing NLP material and throw in some other material on influence, like the 6 laws of influence. Throw in a bit of extra psychology, mix it up and try and make it look slightly different to all the other NLP courses doing the rounds. There is nothing to stop me doing any of this, it is not illegal but very immoral.

So if you want to do a NLP course I could suggest you first of all get a few books on the subject as these courses are usually pretty expensive. Learn the basics and try it out. You my find the basics communication skills are enough for you. If you want to carry on look into the courses very carefully, try and find one carried out by a reputable trainer preferable some can traces their NLP back to the founders.

Liking

Another of the 6 laws of influence. This one is the obvious one, if you like someone you are more likely to be influence by that person. NLP really comes to work here by using NLP to quickly build rapport with a person and thus getting them to like you.

Whenever you get door to door slaes med they often refer to you as mate or buddy even although you have just met as they are trying to make out you are some how friend already.

Tupperware parties and the like are great examples of how Liking law is used to sell products. You have a party and invite all your friends around and sell them stuff. As they are your friends and like you they are more easily influenced into purchasing the product from you. Or may be buying as to feel they are helping you out. Works especially well if a couple of people in the party buy items earlier on, as it will use the effect of social proof in combination with the liking law of influence.

This should be an easily one for all you NLP 'ers to use an also seen before can be combined with the other laws of influence in the right circumstances.