Seeing filters in emails

Reading through a few emails yesterday picking out the various
filters. I intend to make copy of 1 a day as an example for the
future. Will try to pick ones where I reply matching their filters and
make a note of the reaction it gets.

I have done a similar exercise a year or two back on reading between
the lines of the content of an email. This was based on a different
system about language patterns. I think there are some similarities
with NLP I would like to review and try in end to bring it all
together as one piece of work.

Also studied a book called "words that change minds", this used a
system called "language and Behaviour Profile", which is an extension
of the NLP filters and was recommended in one of the NLP books as the
next level up from NLP on filters. Will try and review and bring this
into NLP as well.

Thinking patterns reading emails

Realised I wasn't looking at the thinking patterns properly. I was to
obsessed with their VAK and not looking at the towards/away, mis/match
etc. I am going to run through a few emails today to try and pick up
these filters properly. I re-read some of the chapters last night and
realised that VAK is useful, but the majority of people are visual so
always a good bet to start with. Secondly the body language and tone
of voice is also a good indicator of their VAK as well as the language
they use.

So the plan is to go through at least one email a day to pick up the
filters. I intend to do this now until I pick it up naturally on every
email. Then I hope it will easily transit into verbal communications
as well. I make a goal in my diary to make sure I pick it up.

mirco expressions

Didn't pick up much on the filters front yesterday.
However, I did pick up a lot on the body language front. I was
introducing myself to the new team I will be working with yesterday
and could see by some of their body language they were not that happy
with me from past experience.

I had lined up a points in my talk to try and overcome these previous
issues. I noticed when I mentioned this topic was going to be
discussed a couple of people looked at each other with raised
eyebrows. It was clear indication they had previous discussed this
between prior to the meeting. I said my piece and the body language of
these people changed they became more relaxed and smiled and seemed to
have appreciated what I had said.

I do think my new boss is a definite auditory person. Still trying to
pin point why I thin k that. I need more evidence. As I working with
new people this week it will a great chance to try and work their
different think styles out.

Filters

Need to work on the filters this week as only at work 2 days last week
and never really got a chance to inestigate it [porperly and review
others actions.

Off to start in my new unwanted role today. Going to test out my NLP
style against them and try and win around the people in the team. Play
it straight and watch and learn, see if I can spot any opportunties
against my senior managers whilst there and plot my revenge.

Noticed in some of my meetings last week that my director was using a
chopping moition left to right to discuss the process through our
departement. Shows he is procedure based and his timeline runs left to
right. Now how do I use that information to my advantage. My new
direct manage I have been able to pinn down yet. He used the words
resonate the other day and like to say lets talk a lot. I think he is
auditory in nature. I shall see if I can work it out this week.

More Filters

Some detail around my exercises this week

associated - experience of being in own body when remembering.
Connected to your feelings
dissociated - experience being out of body. Detached from your feelings

Towards - your ability to think about what you really want
Away - your ability to think about what you don't want

match - see in the ways thing are similar
mismatch -see which is the odd one out

big chunk – spaciousness, feel and style
small chunk – details

past/present/future - time reference people like to refer to

how we remember

activity – recall the activity
person – recall the people involved
object –associate it with an object
place – the place the activity occurred
time – the time it occurred

internal – how we reference our standards
external

visual speak in a high tone
breathe high in the chest-rapid, shallow breathing
gesture high in the air, often trying to depict the images they can
see internally
often show tension in their body

auditory speak in a rhythmic way, almost tunefully
talk mid tone
breathe mid chest
gesture lower than speaking in a visual way
often have their head titled to one side as if to accentuate the
amount they take in through their ears
frequently touch theirs ears and mouth and often have their hand
against their face as if on the telephone

feelings speak in a resonant way, slowly with frequent silences
breathe low in the chest-deep, slow breaths, as if sighing
gesture down and to their right
have a laid back body posture, relaxed and free moving

spatial filing cabinets how people gesture when remembering

procedure gesture a chopping type action
choice an array being spread out in front of the speaker

So the idea is to pick these filters up in myself or notice them in
other people.

From yesterday I was able to dissociate myself in situation. I was in
a meeting about my new unwanted job and as I felt myself get to
emotional about I lean back in my chair and was able to disconnect
from the situation enough to get my point across. Plus leaning back in
my chair and taking a relaxed position seemed to put them more on
edge. I have noticed in my meetings with this person their body
language is becoming more and more closed off and defensive. I even
saw a small twitch yesterday when I replied with a particular comment.
It was micro expression like recoiling from being hit.

Filters and think patterns

This week I am suppose to be studying filters and some more thinking patterns.

As part of the thinking patterns area I still need to look at time
lines and memory vs imagined.

In using the SWISH patterns last week I was able to use the memory of
events and the imagined reactions work in my favour. I have been very
calm all weekend about my job mappings and a little bit concerned I am
too calm. Hopefully it should keep me in good stead for the rest of
the week.

Filters are the way you see the world.
Towards/away
assoicated/dissacoated
big chunk/small chunk
match/mismatch
future think person
internally referenced.

I will view again tonight but this should give enough to work on today.

Sith NLP

I think I have fallen to the dark side, I always understood the Sith
and Dark Jedi more than the do gooders anyhow. Why?

I have been through a re-org at work and have been moved off to
another team. The people in my team are disappointed and worried that
the future team won't be as good and aren't keen on their new manager.

I couldn't help myself put use a bit of NLP embedded commands on them
in order to ruin the chances of the new management in that area.

After they spoke negatively about what they though might happen I said.

"Don't worry about what will happen" "Doesn't mean it will all be negative"
"Doesn't mean the team will fall apart" "Don't be concerned about the
fact none of you get on with him"

With "don't" and "doesn't" being filter out the sub conscious they
will have only heard.
"worry about what will happen" "mean it will all be negative"
"mean the team will fall apart" "be concerned about the fact none of
you get on with him"

The best description of how this works is that the sub conscious is a
3 year old. "Don't run across the road". This is exactly what they
will want to do.

I even "marked out" the words after the "don't" and"doesn't" by
lowering by voice slight and gesturing with my palms apart.

Does this mean I am evil? If I did with the positive intentions what
were they? I suppose in order to ruin the new team in order to show
what a good job I had done with them previously.

I am suppose to be blogging about state changes today. Have been able
to control my states very well this after using the SWISH pattern and
anchoring in the right behaviours. Next week going to move on to the
next set of exercise which are thinking patterns.

more states and VAK

Found out yesterday I have been mapped into position in the company I
work in, that I am not happy about.

Initial reactions was obviously upset, but I didn't react badly to
anyone I felt the SWISH pattern kicked in and I was able to distance
myself long enough to think about calmly.

This gave me time to think and formulate a plan. I discovered once I
had this plan in place I felt much more relaxed about my future and
was able to disassociate myself from the process, allowing me to put
forward reasoned arguments about my mapping being incorrect.

Following the plan today to try and get it all sorted out. The SWISH
pattern and the anchoring bought me the time to think about it more
rationally. I have tried to remember the good feeling of waiting and
planning my response, instead of just reacting.

Visual

As part of my study of NLP I was looking for people using VAK this
week and trying to watch the change of states in people and myself.

Yesterday I was in a meeting with guy who had the habit of relaying
past events as a story by almost acting out the events to a certain
degree. It was a very Visual way of communicating the events to
another person. I found it a bit odd as I had never come across
someone do this before to such an extent. However, it did work I
understood everything he said and was very engaged in the process.

I think its something I could take away and use myself. I don't think
I would go as far as the guy I meet, but it is a useful technique.

States of mind

Noticed yesterday in a managers meeting that I was getting angry when
certain people spoke. It wasn't necessarily anything they said it was
just the sight of them made me angry, possibly because I feel they
don't deserve their position in the company.

I realised this was holding me back for contributing to the meeting
and affecting my emotional state. As this was something I wanted to
watch this week I made a note of it straight away. To combat the
problem I quickly applied a SWISH pattern to re-program my mind.

I Visualised myself red and angry at the sight of these people. I then
SWISHED in an image of myself calm and enlightened. I did a few time
in the meeting (without making a loud SWISH sound). I immediately
started to feel better and by the end of the meeting I was just
internally laughing at the comments they made instead of getting angry
about it instead.

New level

Written up the some NLP topics last week and cover the very basics of
what is NLP.

Moved on to the first levels of NLP Neuro.

To start with covering the VAK and State changes. As part of plan is
to write up the information and then conduct exercise on it all week
and blog an examples I come across.

So this week looking for examples of people using VAK and to notice
when my state changes or when other people state changes during the
week. Going to print out the exercises and keep them with my mission
statements to read every morning.

Performance Reviews

Had my performance review at work yesterday. Lots of good and some not
good points.

Firstly the good. Feedback from my team was great. Good leadership,
motivation, empowerment and good communications. Also was echoed by
some other teams I work closely with as well. This is greta and was
part of my career strategy to become so leadership skills and create a
great team. Plus a number of other teams we work with have also
comment on my coomunication skills and leadership through some tough
projects and work issues.

However, some bad feedback is I have on the odd occasion sent out
emails that have upset people and cast me in a bad light. This is a
difficult one as I have some times done this get a reaction, any
reaction as everyone is ignoring the issues or ignoring my requests.
However, the feedback has come from my Director that this isn't good
and has the tendency too wipe out all the good work I have done.

Part of me want to argue they were wrong, but due to my NLP studying I
realised their point of view is valid, as it is how the perceive the
issues and therefore so will others, which is how communications work.
I accepted the feed back and remembered the saying 'feedback is the
breakfast of champions'. So I have decided to resolve this tendency to
get upset and send out over emotional emails. I have added another
mission statement to my list and I am going to set myself some goals.
I have also tried to use NLP to re-program my mind not to react in
such a way. I usually know it is the wrong thing to do to send out
these emails. I imagine myself about to send out one of these emails
and the thought crosses my mind 'should I'. I tried to then associate
the trouble it causes me to the sending of the email and tried to
anchoring the words NO in bright white lights to appear in my mind. I
have also associated the the sense of relief once I realised it
shouldn't be send with deleting the email.

resources available

Listening to a podcast this morning by Dr William Horton. He discussed
that people make best decisions based on the resources available to
them at the time. It can be that they don't have all the available
resources they need to make the right decision. So they make the best
decision based on the resources, i.e. experience, facts and advice,
that is available to them at that specific point in time.

I can totally related to this based on a decision I have made at work.
With hindsight it probably wasnt the best decision, but at the time is
was the best option due to the limited resources I had available. I
had to choose a new between 3 options at work. The first option would
have limited our ability in future. The second option was overly
complicated and third option was a new technology that offered us
everything we needed. We wanted the third option, but were imposed a
number of constraints by the business that limited our ability to
implement this new technology in appropriate timescale. They wanted it
quickly and cheaply which meant we had to make short cuts and re-use
lots of equipment that meant the project took longer. In the end in it
took longer than if we had done it properly, as we have had go back
and re-do the short cuts any way, and do multiple rounds of testing.
The resource I lacked at the time were experience of large scale
projects and the attitude of the Senior managers. Next time I would
still pick the same technology, but would make it clear that it had to
be done in a certain way; no shortcuts, correct timescales and the
right tools available else they would need to choose something else. I
would have responded differently to the imposed limitation being
placed on the project that caused it be delayed in the long run. At
the time I was just happy to get the approval for the project and
agreed to anything to get the work underway.

Blogging and studying

One of mission statements is to re-read my NLP books and as part of
this to write articles for an introduction into NLP for a new web
site. This is suppose to work two fold

1) Studying NLP
2) Working on web site

As part of point 1) I decided to set up exercise as part of each
topic. So once read a chapter, written the article, I will then try
and act on that information the following week. I will note in my
daily journal to remind me to act on the information and to prove I
have I will blog the result each day as well. This will act as too
remind me and a way of looking back on the results.

I hope to start this next Monday. I have already made a note in my
daily journal.

Morning schedule

As discussed in my blog yesterday here is my morning schedule.

Morning Schedule

1) Read Mission statements
2) Blog NLP points from the day before or morning
3) Pre – plan each meeting that day. Points to make and flow of discussions
a. Intro's
b. Model of the World present
c. Summarise
4) Life task note for the day in the dairy and update from day before
5) Read Email
6) Work Tasks

Mission Statements

"Reach 14 stone by December 8th 2008. Do this by using the NLP
techniques learnt in the podcast. Eat clean and every 3-4 hours to
keep metabolism going. Follow exercise plan laid out in the dairy"

"Improve NLP knowledge and usage. Do this by Blog about NLP everyday.
Re-reading NLP book and make notes for a basic introduction to
NLP web site. Read all of book this time"

Learning points

In a meeting today and asked for comments based on a document I had
sent to a vendor. it was suggested we give a quick overview first in
order to get the discussion started. I realised I hadn't really
prepared for the meeting or thought about what I was going to say.
Decided to take this as feedback and created two learning points.

1) prepare every morning for each meeting and decided what points I
need to get across. Make a few notes it refer to in the meeting.

2) Giving an overview ion the meeting was a good idea and relates back
the Sleight of Mouth patterns ,"Model of the World". I present the
model of the world as I believe it to be and this will either confirm
peoples beliefs or give them something counter argue against. Either
way it creates a discussion point and focus for the discussions.

So how to go about point number 1). I realised I need to do a number
of things each morning to start my day off correctly, so I have
decided to create a morning schedule.

I going off to write it now and then will post it on the blog.

Feedback not failure

One of the elements of the weight loss podcast is about setting your
self in an environment for success rather then failure. If for
example you have nothing but crisps, chocolate and sweets in the house
this what you will eat. If you have however in your cupboards fresh
fruit and vegetables then this is all you can eat.

Currently my wife is pregnant and she has the habit of buying lots of
sweets or recently making her own fudge. Normally this food wouldn't
be in our house and I don't feel like I can complain because I know it
is a temporary thing. I have given in to temptation and been eating
pieces of the fudge every night. As they say in the podcast "only
thing you can't resist is temptation". It does seem to have had a
knock on effect as now I have given into one thing I feel like I am
more likely to give into others as well. It appears I have lost my
momentum on weight slightly. I need to regain my momentum and find a
way to resist.

I decided to see this as not as "failure but as feedback". Got to have
to live with it so use it as an opportunity to use the NLP/mind
techniques to try and resist and reaffirm my goals of losing weight.

momentum

Watched the tennis last night on the tv. I don't normally but wanted to see how Andy Murray did. Been keeping on eye on during the vening had tea and came back to see him 2 sets down and 5-3 down in the third set with the other guy serving for the match. For everyone to see it looked like he was about to lose. Murray hadn't broken his sever all match so looked highly unlike to be able to do it now.

Guess what he did and brough it back 5-4, then won his own service game to level the set. It went to tie breaker and Murray won. He had the momentum now in the game and took the 4th set 2-6. Followed on straigh into the final set by breaking his serve again and won the final set 4-6. It was an amazing come back from the brink of defeat.

How does this relate to strategy and NLP. Well once he broke the other guys serve he knew it could be done, it gave he hope. The other got the jitters and lost momentum whilst Murray continaully gain momentum through the rest of the game. momentum is highly imporatant is strategy. The team  Murray broke the momentum of the other guy and claimed it for him self. The opponent at times tried to break the momentum by breaking Murray back but couldn't and finakl resorted to get the game stopped for bad light. Neither of these tactics worked and Murray finished him off.

I was thinking as it looked like he was going to lose that he should remeber their is no such thing as failure only feedback, Murray obviously was using that feedback straigth away and put into straight into use to swing the game in his favour. Think it also shows that to never give up.

---

Get fish-slapping on Messenger! Play Now