Rapport

Been reading up on creating rapport. I thought I have already done
this as part of the other chapters around matching body language,
filters and states. There is however a whole chapter dedicated to it
in the book. Basically it does cover some I what I already though I
had done in matching filters, body language and states. It does take
it a step forward by try to match values as overall messages as well.
I guess this is trying to understand their logical levels of change
and build your communication to match this levels also as to build
rapport.

It covers the match, pace and then lead system to build rapport with
people. You match their communication, you then pace with it and
eventually try to lead the communication and if you are in rapport
they will follow. I must admit I have read about this before and
understand the meaning of but never knowingly been able to do it. This
is something I will work on as building rapport brings together all
the elements previously discussed , filters, states, body language,
logical levels of changes and the NLP presupposition will also help
think in the right way.

I think my exercises for this week will be to note down and try this
out everyday.

The next part of the book is well formed outcomes, then coaching with
NLP and feedback with NLP.
All of which I am looking forward to learning more about. I do think
that the rapport part of NLP is the basic building block for the rest
of these subjects so might be worth spending some time on.

Feedback not failure

After watching the Olympics I have heard the NLP statement of
excellence 'there is only feedback not failure' in use several times
or with this meaning.

A number of the athletics who had missed out in 2004 said they gained
experience and drive to win this time around. Likewise many of those
who missed out his time have said they will use it as a learning
experience to ensure the win next time around.

Also read in the Metro a few weeks a go Peter Jones saying this was
his favorite quote.

A number of athletes recorded personal bests and still felt they had
they should have won or felt there is more to come. I hope that it
will still inspire them to continue in their sport and not get dis
heartened by not winning this time, recognize they have done well and
look to continuously improve for next time around.

I like to think of myself as someone how is very determined to reach
their goals, but from watching the Olympics I realise I have a lot to
learn. I do give up I think the tasks is beyond me and I try and find
an excuse as to why I couldn't complete it or win. I use to do Thai
Boxing and got very dis heartened when I was out sparred and felt I
could never win. I realise the fear of failure use to get to me. After
watching the "the contender Asia" and looking into the history of the
fighters you could see that they have all lost at some stage in their
careers, however the learn and come back for more.

I need to do this, I need to make sure I don't beat myself up over
failure or loss but learn from it instead. I need to use the feedback
to drive myself forward and not dwell on my past mistakes.

This easy to say. We shall see.

missing presuppositions

I just noticed some missing presuppositions

• Change makes Change
Commentary: It is a common saying that "the only person you can
really change is yourself"

• There is no such thing as failure, only feedback
Commentary: When something doesn't go as we planned we tend to see
that as failure. Depending on the seriousness of the situation we
might then get angry, irritated, sad, depressed, worried, guilty or
whatever.
None of which serves any useful purpose.

• A map is not the territory it depicts; words are not the things they
describe; symbols are not the things they represent
Commentary: This may well be the single most important
pre-supposition in the whole of NLP (originally developed by Alfred
Korzybski, the founder of General Semantics).
In very simple terms it means that we are always slightly separated
from 'reality'. We draw maps, but the map is not actually the place
it depicts and we need to be responsive to what is actually happening
around us rather than complaining that things aren't as they "ought to
be".

• Every behaviour is appropriate in some context
Commentary: Another way of putting this is: if we adopt a certain
behaviour it's because once upon a time it worked. The trouble is
that we often go on sing a certain behaviour even though it is
manifestly no longer appropriate.

• You cannot not communicate
Commentary: People often imagine that they can avoid personal
responsibility by simply saying nothing. This pre-supposition points
out that we are constantly communicating, by what we do say, by what
we don't say, and by a host of non-verbal signals.
On this basis it may be obvious that there is more to be gained by
accepting responsibility for one's actions, than by trying to stay
aloof.

I think I will mark out 5 of these to work on else I will disappear
under the weight of them all.

NLP presuppositions

More NLP yesterday. Speaking to a guy over lunch and noticed he kept
looking up to his right as he was trying visual how a something
looked. It was very obvious an I am glad I picked it up.

Been reading up on more NLP especially the model of excellence and the
NLP presuppositions that they believe creates excellence.
NLPers suggest you try on these presupposition even if you don't
believe them initially as you will find they grow on you and you will
eventually believe them to be true. I am think its a another thing to
add to my morning read on my Morning schedule. It would take my up to
2 A4 sheets a paper a morning.
Just about possible without taking up too much time and lose of focus.

NLP Presupposition 1.
1. People respond to their perception of reality, not to reality itself.
Our experience gives us a map of the world from which we operate. It
is not the actual territory it covers. Some maps work well in
situations where others don't. NLP is the art of changing your maps,
so we have greater freedom.

NLP Presupposition 2.
2. Having a choice is better than not having a choice.
The more choices you have, the freer you are and the more influence
you have. NLP seeks to add choice at every opportunity

NLP Presupposition 3.
3. People always make the best choice they can at the time given their
map of the world.
Give them a better choice and they will take it. Even better give them
a superior map with more choices in it.

NLP Presupposition 4.
4. People work perfectly.
No one is broken. We are all getting the results of our map of
beliefs. Change what is flowing through the system of intelligence we
each are and we'll get new results.

NLP Presupposition 5.
5. All actions have a purpose.
Our actions are not random; we are always trying to achieve something,
although we may not be aware of what that is.

NLP Presupposition 6.
6. Every behaviour has a positive intention.
All our actions have at least one purpose - to achieve something that
we value and benefits us. A person is not their behaviour. When a
person has a better choice of behaviour that also achieves their
positive intention, they will take it. NLP uses this intention to
integrate.

NLP Presupposition 7.
7. The unconscious mind balances the conscious; it is not malicious.
The unconscious is everything that is not in consciousness at the
present moment. It contains all the resources we need to live in
balance.

NLP Presupposition 8.
8. The meaning of your communication is also the response you get.
There are no failures, only responses and feedback. If you are not
getting the result you want, change what you are doing. Have the
ability to respond to the communication.

NLP Presupposition 9.
9. We already have all the resources we need, or we can create them.
There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states of mind.

NLP Presupposition 10.
10. Mind and body are different expressions of the same one system.
Mind and body interact and mutually influence each other. When we
think differently, our bodies change. When we act differently we
change our thoughts and feelings.

NLP Presupposition 11.
11. We process all information through our senses.
Developing your senses so they become more acute gives you better
information and helps you think more clearly.

NLP Presupposition 12.
12. Modeling successful performance leads to excellence.
If one person can do something it is possible to model it and teach it
to others.

NLP Presupposition 13.
13. If you want to understand - Act
The learning is in the doing.

Want to talk more about Strategy in the terms 'Art of War' not what
NLP refers to as strategy.

Going to make some notes and write down my learning experiences for
future blogs whilst it is still fresh in my mind.

Putting it altogether

Had a hearing around my mapping the other day. It was very interesting
from an NLP point.

Firstly I was able to stay calm through out the entire meeting. I
never got upset, I always allowed people to get their point across, I
never interrupted,in total I behaved very professionally. I think this
will help my case massively as it shows me as a rationale and sensibly
person. I didn't allow myself to drawn on emotionally response or
emotionally reasoning why things had occurred. I didn't point ht
finger or make it personal. I think I was able to maintain this good
sate through some of the previous SWISH exercise I had done and the
understanding of physiology and state. I leaned back every time I felt
I was getting to associated, this help be disconnect from the
situation and allowed my to think clearly and response concisely and
intelligently. I think the leaning back has become a trigger/anchor
for me to relax and stay calm, as I have used this recently in the
past to help me stay cool , I think it has become anchor.

I also decide to mental relive this situation and anchor it to squeeze
of my knee. The hope is I can trigger it in the future if required
when in an intense situation.

When responding with a clear mind I was able to pick up the filters
being used by one of the interviewers. He used the words 'hear my out'
and 'let me say my piece', I always did and picked up on the fact he
used these specific auditory filters. I respond in my calm state,' I
think your voiced that point very well I agree with parts of it'.

I also felt I matched the body language as much as possible and tried
to keep eye contact with both my interviewers. I always find it easy
to match body language, it seems to one of the things that comes
naturally to me or I have been doing it so long its becomes an
unconscious reaction.

I was also able to apply a few SoM sleight of mouth patterns when
talking to them and putting forward my point.

Analogy pattern to describe a similar situation that would also be
unacceptable, that was outside the context of work.

Counter example of how I was wrongly mapped in comparison to other
people. This also connects into an 'Art of War' strategy as I have
given them an easy way out by not making about everyone ion the
mappings just myself.

Chunk down into specially why it was a problem and showed the
consequence of the belief in terms of my career.

I also suggested possible intentions behind the actions of the
mappings by saying 'I don't why it happened, I have no substantial
proof that it was intentional or purposefully done to remove me and
bring in their friend, or whether it was a mis understanding, or was
due to laziness or clumsiness.' This is using the intention SoM I have
drawn attention to a belief by saying I don't know if it was any of
these things, but it has clearly placed the possibility in their minds
it could have been done with to fulfil their own purpose.

I also found a few bits of email evidence that supports my belief of
Intention. Plus it is pre-emptive counter example strike if they deny
knowledge of career history.

I should find out in 3-4 weeks time.

Logical levels of change walk through

Been reviewing logical levels of change from my NLP book and some
information retrieved off the internet. The book suggest working
through the levels of change for yourself in order to understand it
better and then be able to apply to other people.

So I did this yesterday, I stepped through each level working out what
it meant to me it terms of my working career. I started at Environment
and worked my way up to Purpose and back down again.

It was a very useful exercise. I discovered I did a number of things
that were at odds with my purpose, my behaviours didn't always match
up and the environment I worked in or create weren't 100% aligned.

So I noted the areas that were out of alignment and have an action
plan to resolve in order to align my logical levels. This should bring
about a more consistent message to those around me and greater sense
of purpose and well being. We shall see. I have added to my morning
schedule the list of things I need to change so I am reminded every
morning I how I need to align.

Below is the logical levels of change I worked through.

Level
Questions corresponding to logical levels

Spirituality/Purpose
Who else? For whom? This can be viewed as your connection to a larger system.

Identity/Mission
Who? Who are you as an individual or company? What role do you play
to achieve your purpose? How do you think of yourself as a
person/organization – i.e. I am a successful person.

Beliefs and Values
Why? Why do you do something? What do you believe in or value? As an
individual, you may believe you can do anything you choose. Or you may
value honesty. From a company perspective, the company may value good
customer service and/or the well-being of staff.

Capabilities/Strategies
How? How do you go about doing things? As an individual or company,
what are your capabilities, skills, strategies or action plans?

Behaviours
What? What are your behaviours?

Environment
Where? When? With Whom? Where, when and with whom do you display your
behaviours? What are the external influences on you?

Olympics and NLP

Been reading more about NLP. Onto programming and model part of the book.
Last couple of day have read about the following.

Modelling of excellence.
Anchoring
Logical levels of change

Modelling of excellence talks about the modelling of successful
business people, leaders or sports people. The part about sports
people seems particular appropriate at the moment with the Olympics
going on. Seen so many stories of how people have trained with the
Olympics coming up, the really successful ones seem to eat, sleep,
drink, train their sport 24/7. It appears that there is nothing else
in their lives apart from their sport. Everything they do every day is
dedicated to that sport. Many stories of the world champions losing at
the Olympics. Those that didn't win at the World Championships find
the extra motivation to then win at the Olympics( their is no failure
only feedback. Or there is no failure only learning opportunities).
Stories of people literally hiding away to concentrate on the training
and preparation for the Olympics.

Anchoring is all about finding triggers to invoke good resourceful
states and realising what triggers we have that create unresourceful
states. The idea being we can create resourceful states by firing off
a physical trigger I.e. touching your ear lobe. Resourceful states is
a positive state of mind for example happy, confident, independent,
calm. Unresourceful states are the opposite for example angry,
annoyed, depressed etc. Anchoring teaches you to trigger these
resourceful states and stop the unresourecful states. Part of the
reasoning in the book is that we work better in a resourceful state,
obviously! Also that if we want to lead and influence others then we
must set the right example and be able to spot resourceful or
unresoucreful states in others. If we can recognise these states in
our selves we can then spot it in others and help them find the the
right resourceful state.

This part of the book is all about practising on yourself in order to
create the same effect on others. Can you tell others to give up
smoking if you smoke!
Can you lead others if you don't show the right motivation, influence
and behaviours your self.?

I will write about the logical levels of change tomorrow

Its friday

Yesterday saw a very clumsy email from someone who had linked two
pieces of information together, was a definite distortion complex
equilvance.

It also presupposed a point of information that showed them up. It
made it apparent they have not worked on the project and they should
have.

Yesterday night was reading up on P of NLP, discussing modelling of
excellence. Just getting into and getting onto the strategies they
have in place from modelling success and excellence. I know the book
covers leadership and coach which are two areas I wish to cover and
have separate (non NLP)books on.

Discovered I tilt my head when listening to people. According to the
books its an auditory thing, however I would describe myself much more
visual.

Anyway, enough ramblings for today. I will be back next week

New CV and covering letter with NLP

Re did my CV and covering letter using NLP techniques meta model
yesterday. I have upload it to the CV sites and I hope it will make a
big difference. I reviewed my old CVs and discovered that my CV from 2
years ago was better than my previous existing CV. I had removed all
the good flowing language patterns and replaced them with statements
of fact. I think this happened as I quickly updated my CV I just flung
in new skills and achievements with out thinking them through
properly.

In reviewing my old CV I was able to pick out the best bits, enhance
and create a new CV that flowed really well. I asked my wife to review
and she said, 'it was better than the previous one, it flowed better
and the information really leaped out at you'. I tried to create an
outcome to each skill or experience as in ' Management and development
of team of designers on multiple projects & skill sets to create
effective resource. This ensures the delivery of projects in company x
and ongoing availability of technical skills for succession planning.'
The outcome being continued delivery of projects and technical
resource.

After using it through a job application, I got an agency call me
within half an hour. They were particularly happy with my covering
letter.

Just thinking about my CV, it was all about meta model, I didn't
really think about apply filters to it at all.
I keep doing this, thinking about either filters or meta model, find
it hard to apply both at once.

On my CV though I don't think it is a big problem as the nature of the
CV is intentionally positive, towards, proactive, mixed between
dissociated/associated, matching and internal/externally referenced.
It tries to appeal across a number of filters in order to work for
numerous job applications.

If employing someone you wouldn't want a totally internally referenced
person, but you wouldn't want someone who only followed their own
standards. Same with associated and dissociated, a bit of passion goes
a long way to show you are motivated and can motivate others.

I may have another read……

Read.. Not much external reference, but then again why does there need
to be in this case. What value would an external reference have!!!

Towards in general with a few same away points in combination where
relevant. i.e saving costs.
Big or small chunk. Don't think either. You can't small chunk on a CV
as there isn't room. I think its just enough information to convey the
point.

Associated or dissociated. Not full of emotion, this is CV and I
suppose it does come from my point of view so there is a feeling of
association in the fact I am selling myself. Seems very neutral to me
any opinions!!!

CV NLP

I have decided to try and re do my CV NLP style. Firstly I will go
over my old CV and look at what style and how much NLP is already in
there. Next I will write out the information I what in my new CV then
write it up in a NLP style and try to make these make these points on
the CV that will cause conversation topics in interviews. Hopefully
then I can prepare language patterns on content to discuss in the
interview that will allow me to sell myself to the maximum potential.

Once I have done the CV I will try and move on to changing the script
on the front of my SMS web site as well. See if it makes any
difference to the amount of uptakes I get compared to the number of
visitors.

A few little things I noticed yesterday on NLP. I went over some old
emails and picked up the meta/Milton model usage in them, that was
very interesting to see the different styles in use by myself , my
peers and bosses.

Once I have done with the language patterns time to move on to the
programming part of NLP, working out strategies for success and
modelling successful work.

Good vs Bad emails

Looking at filters and Meta/Milton model went through a example of a
bad email yesterday to see how it compared to a good email.

It was quite obvious why one worked and one failed.

BAD email

Detail small chunk very precise leaving no room to argue

Associated uses 'I' or refers to 'we' as in the team only.

Presuppose the my team getting it right and the receivers of the email
getting it wrong. Presuppose they are missing things and I have the
answers. Very feelings orientated.

Very Internally referenced. As 'I' or 'my concerns'

Uses lots of feelings words 'my concerns' 'thrown away'

Away From, very negative in total always about avoiding problems. No
goal direction.

GOOD

Disassociated language non emotional refers to a group of people or
wider company

Presupposition of a number of things to make them true. They are
positive things and are non confrontational.
i.e. is in agreement 'we'
We have lots of experience
We have researched etc

Towards Agrees with the work they are doing and works with them to defined goal
Towards language to achieve a joint goal.

Big chunk as doesn't require specific details.

Precision language when explaining our issues so no room to respond.
Small chunk detail to get point across when being precise to ensure
issue understood.

Linkages issues with reasons to change. Links issues to gain resolutions

Some away language when appropriate about discussing challenges, but
balanced with a towards goal to resolve.

External/Internal – mixed as tend to use presupposition, the opinion I
am putting forward is one of the whole of area not a personal one.

Differences

Good Bad
----------- -----------
Int/ext Very Internal
Visual/feelings Feelings language
Towards Away
disassociated associated
presuppose positives presuppose negatives
linkage no linkage (no over all
story just bullet points)
Big chunk/small chuck Small chunk only
generalise precise language no GDD.
distort
delete

Summary

BIGGER CHUNKS lead to deletions, generalisation and distortions.
SMALLER CHUNKS tend to remove these by being more precise.

BIG chunks leads to trance as the have more to read into it. They have
to make sense of it all as it will have generalisation, deletions and
distortions. Both have their place too much detail then small chunk
can be exhausting and seem like giving orders.

Example of a successful email

This week to concentrate on filters and meta/milton model of language.

Went through an email on Friday that a number of people had replied to
saying it was a good email and they totally agreed with it, and it put
the message across very well. So have gone through it trying to work
out which filters I had used, plus which parts of the Milton/meta
model were involved as well.

I thought if I could try and model it I could recreate the success.

I also have an email on which I received negative feedback saying it
was bad and got peoples backs up. Going to go through this as well and
try and find why it upsets people. Can I model my failings so as to
avoid them in the future.

My successfull email used the following filters and models:-

overall
Disassociated language non emotional refers to a group of people or
wider company rather than how it affects me or my team.

Presupposition of a number of things to make them true.
i.e.
We have lots of experience.
We have researched etc
We can help

Agrees with the work they are doing and works with them to a defined goal.
Towards language to achieve a joint goal creating a vision. Big chunk
as doesn't require specific details and gives that big picture vision.

Precision language when explaining our issues so no room to respond
and find flaws. Thus needs small chunk detail to get point across.

Linkage of issues with reasons to work towards the goals I have
represented. Links issues to our resolutions, puts forward outcome
thinking (outcome state, living in the solution) rather than problem
thinking (living in the issues)

Some away language when appropriate about discussing loss of revenue,
but with a towards goal to resolve.

Meta and Milton Models

Been reading up on language techniques over the last few days. Looked
at detail at the meta model used in NLP and the Milton Model used in
hypnosis. Made some notes and will try to find examples of it being
used day to day and try to use it day to day as well.

The meta model breaks down into 3 distinct areas

Deletions
Distortions
Generalisation

Each of these again breaks down into further categories. I shall run
through the categories and examples once I have had more experience
with them. In other words I shall blog the results.

In conjunction with this still looking into the filters people use
either in speech, text, or body language.

Still trying to break down each email every day to how filters are
used. I will now also try and look at how the meta and Milton model is
also used in these emails. I have 5 record examples of the uses of
filters I will go back over them to try and work out the meta model or
Milton model has been used. Then what would the question be if they
are used to get more precision. This would be a case of chunking down
to specifics also discussed as precision questioning.

Milton model is considered to be big chunks as it allows the
reader/listener to go inside and place on it their own meaning thus
inducing a small trance.

Hypnotic commands

Still haven't really picked up on the body language stuff yesterday. Again at my PC all day no real opportunities to put it to use.

Realised that this may be true of a number of learning points in the future, so I will try and run to learning points in the future. Plus if nothing else happening blog about other NLP experiences instead. Spent sometime yesterday trying to look up covert hypnosis. Some books on the market but the reviews are mixed. I realised I probably had all the necessary books already, I just need to bring them together in the future.

As quiet at work I did some work on Ericcsionain Hypnotic commands studying and trying them out in a few emails etc.

Also read some stuff about aligning yourself with people using the following statements.

• Encourage their Dreams
• Justify their failures
• Allay their fears
• Confirm their suspicions
• Throw rocks at their enemy

If you can do these actions it will go a long way to win people over and be able to persuade and influence them in the future.

Logical levels of change

Tried to look at peoples body language yesterday put didn't get round to it as spent most of my time at my PC.
I have in the past noticed my teams body language. There was a visual and feelings guy in my old team and their body language, voice tone and eye clues were typical of the explanation given in the last blog.

Spent most of yesterday reading about logical levels of change in preparation of any HR meetings. HR people seem to have study this kind of thing and will try and use it against you. So I know have the fundamental understanding and can counter act any arguments in to get my beliefs to change. I figure if I keep my argument around my purpose and identity its going to be very hard for them to get me to change plus they my come to the conclusion my beliefs are to ingrained to be altered. This is all about my employer trying to get me to do another job that I don't want to do.

Also spent some kind with my old teams mates who are depressed about the new organisational structure. I encouraged the demotivation with a bit of Sith NLP. I like this Sith NLP stuff and will have to develop further once I have got the normal NLP stuff under belt,

Body language

This week the NLP training and study is around body language.
The body language part follows on from the filters last week. The idea being to pick up the filters using body language. So notice if towards/away, internal/external, mis/match, options/procedure, as

assoicated/dissacoiated, visual/ auditory/ feelings and big chunk/small chunk.

Mis/match
------------
Do you copy other body language or mismatch it

Internal/external
-------------------
Do you require others approval in a meeting. Look to other when talking for their approval
For are you happy to see your own piece without the requirement for approval

Big/small
----------
The detail of the topic you go into. Plus the gesturing of the body language.
Are the gestures wide and big.
Or small and precise

Options/procedure
-----------------
Options - a array being spread out in front of the speaker
Procedure - gesture a chopping action

Visual
--------
Speak in a high tone
Breathe high in the chest-rapid, shallow breathing
Gesture high in the air, often trying to depict the images they can see internally
Often show tension in their body.

Auditory
----------
Speak in a rhythmic way, almost tunefully
Talk Mid tone
Breather mid chest
Gesture lower than speaking in a visual way
Often have their head tiled to one side as if to accentuate the amount they take in through their ears
Frequently touch their ears and mouth and often have their hand against their face as if on the telephone

Feelings
---------
Speak in a resonant way, slowly with frequent silences
Breath low in the chest-deep, slow breaths as if sighing
Gesture down to their right
Have a laid back body posture, relaxed and free moving

Eyes as you do them mirror as you see them
-------
right up construct visual rembered
left up remembering or straight defocused visual construct
straight defocused visual depending on how the body weight is distributed
right to ears construct audio
left to ears remembering audio
left down auditory digital, inner dialog
right down external feelings and emotions

Need to pick this up in others this week

Discovery on filters

Checked through some more emails yesterday to look at peoples filters.
I was very interesting exercise. I then decided to do some of my own
in an objective point of view. I was surprised to discovered that I
had slightly different filters than I realised.

It was very away, feelings, internal, mismatch, mid chunk and associated.

I was excepting it to be towards, internal, mismatch, big chunk and dissociated.

However, I do wonder if the filters I used are influenced by the
subject you are discussing. The topic was about being pushed into a
job I didn't want to do. Therefore it was all about why I shouldn't be
in that job , why I didn't fit it. So does the topic and point of view
influence your filters.

I am going to read other emails of mine from different topics and see
if there is a pattern.